This feeling
by serialkillerbarbie
Summary: Johnny Has had a strange dream about Ponyboy.....When Johnnys life comes crashing down will Pony be the only one who can help with the pain? or will he cause it if you ddnt understand that you are not old enough to read this.......
1. The feeling

This feeling...of love?...Naw it couldn't be love. What is love? Dose anyone know for sure? I know i don't... If it was love, why with Ponyboy? Hes my best friend! When ever i look at him i get the feeling that he know what i think about him every night. That same dream i have were him and me are just sitting in his couch watching the box, then i just throw myself on to him and kiss his soft pink lips. His lips have always captivated me in a way... so smooth and soft looking almost like the face of a small child. I always wanted my lips to touch his and feel the warmth of his body upon mine. I knew it would never happen Soda and Darry would have my head if i ever touched him that way. I know I'm older then Pony, but he was always bigger and stronger. Even if i did tell him how i felt he himself could probably take me out. I just sat there looking at him across the small card table, laughing at some of Steve's jokes that everyone new he had read off the back of a cereal box at the super market. It felt really weird for me to be sitting there at that table thinking such things about Ponyboy having one of his brothers on each side of me, along with two more people that could out-fight me with only one punch. But i still just sat there...Wondering...Waiting...Hoping...that someday my dream would come true and me and Ponyboy would be together at last.

"Full house"! I heard Steve say as loud as he could, reveling his cards on the table.

"Wheres my money boys"? He said collecting the money off the rickety table.

"Oh wow you won big this time Steve"! I heard Pony say sarcastically in a slightly giggling voice.

"Ya...A whole $4 and a plastic watch"! Two-Bit soon added in.

"Like you can talk"! Steve added

"Last week you made a big deal over winning a coupon for $1 off a cereal of your choice" Steve teased

"Thats enough boys!" I herd Darry say in a play full voice. "And Pony?!...I think you aught to get to bed...you got school tomorrow" Darry said

"Yeah yeah yeah i know..." Pony murmured walking into the bathroom.

"Hey Steve?...What time that watch say?" Soda said laughing.

"11:50" Steve said trying to kill the joke...

"Really?!" Two-bit said in a hurry to get this jacket.

"I am supposed to meet Marsha on the the other side of town in 10 Minuets.

"sigh Do you want me to drive you?" Soda asked.

"If you want to...I would really appreciate it!" Two-bit said in a half descent way.

And before i knew it they were out the door and i herd the car pull out of the driveway.

"I'm gonna head out myself" Steve said in few seconds later.

"I'm gonna meet Dallis at shepherds house so we can all beat the shit out of a couple or Socs" He added

"What about you Johnny?" Darry said to me as Steve walked out the door?

"You gonna stay here? Pony would like it if you went to school with him tomorrow i bet"

He always complains about not having any one to talk to at school cuz hes one of the only Greasers that even shows up an a daily bases"

"Yeah I'm staying...I said in a bashful way..Almost as if what he said about Pony had embarrassed me...

Had it?...If it did...did Darry notice?!

"I have to go buy some cigarettes." Darry said "I'll be back in a while...Tell Pony will ya?"

"Yeah I'll tell him..." I answered. And he walked out the door leaving me and Pony alone at last...

"Darry!...Darry!" I hear Ponyboy yell as he gets out of the shower. I decide to tell him then that his brother was not home. "Ponyboy...He went to the store to buy some cancer sticks. He'll be back soon" I told him. "Oh okay...So are you staying over Johnny?" He asked in a caring voice.

"Uh...I dunno yet...I should probably go home so my mom don't worry...i got no way to call her" i said almost only so i wouldn't have that awkward feeling in my stomach anymore.

"Why don't you just call her?" He asked in a way that made me feel stupid if i didn't have a good answer.

"Uhh..my dad threw the phone at a wall a few days ago..." I said in a low sad voice.

"Johnny..?! I want you to stay here...You don't need to be around that kind of violence!?" He said which didn't make sense because we were in a rumble with a few Socs not to long ago.

"Really Pony?" i said a little confused

"Yeah kid...How about i go with you to your house so you can tell your mom your staying over?...Your dad wont try and beat you if I'm there " He assured me. I had always loved it when he called me kid, because i was 2 years older then him but you could never tell by looking at us.

"Yeah Pony...lets do that..." I said almost to myself. He didn't care if i said no he was going to go anyways.

"We should wait until Darry gets back so we can tell him where were going." He suggested

"Or we could just leave a note...If you want to avoid seeing your pops before he gets home?" He later added.

"Yeah lets lave a not i don't really want to see him..." I said as Ponyboy wrote a note to his brother. Pony ran into his room and pulled off his towel exposing his bare body from behind to me. He pulled on some boxers and pants and found one of sodas clean black shirts and put that on to...I don't think he noticed that i have carefully watched every move he made...if he had it didn't seem think he cared. Before i knew it we were out the door.

"So Johnny...I was thinking...you don't really get along with your pops and your mom is a very negotiable person what would you say if you could live with me forever?" He said...I couldn't tell if he was joking or not...I hope he wasn't that would be a dream come true...Live with Ponyboy...I never thought it was possible to be happier then i was earlier when Pony had gonna and got bare naked right in front of me.

That conversation lasted until we reached the front of my house. I suggested that i go in alone but Pony said, If i knew you were gonna say that i would have let you come alone...What was the point of me coming?!...I told him he could come in to and he fallowed right behind me.

"Hey maw" I said to my mother who was sitting in tears on the sofa.

"Hey Mrs. Cade." Pony said soon after.

"Hey boys..." My mom said in a whimpering voice.

"Johnny?...I think you should stay with the Curtis boys tonight..." She told me.

"Yeah thats why were here..."Pony said to her.

"You boys should get out of here before...HE...gets home..."She said in an advising voice. And we ran out the door as a car pulled up in the driveway.

When we got back to Pony"s house and noticed that Soda's car wasn't there Pony worried thinking that his brother might have got caught up by the cops. As we walked into the house Darry as on the phone and looked kind of mad at the person on the other end.

"No! In not gonna come get him!" Is all we heard from Darry then he hung up.

"Wheres Soda?" Pony asked his brother...

"Hes in jail isn't he!?!?!" Pony added to his sentence

"No No...No Pony hes not in jail, hes just passed out at Steve's house So wont be home tonight so Johnny you can sleep in the bed with Pony if you want." Darry said

"Oh..." Pony said kind of embarrassed.

I blushed a little bit when Darry had said i could sleep with Pony. It was almost as if he had given me permission to have sex with his brother. I knew he didn't mean it in that way but i has always dreamed of the day that it would meant that. Pony and I went to sleep soon after that. That night i had a different dream then i had nights before. This time i was coming off an airplane and the only thing i see was Ponyboy standing...looking at me through the huge glass window of the airport. When i reached him i fell into his arms almost as if i hadn't seen him in years. I felt his arms around me as if they were really there then i felt a hand slip slowly down my loose pants and boxers and slowly start to massage my hard cock... I woke up in a peaceful was. It was still dark out side so i knew it was still time to sleep.

I felt a hand down my pants but it wasn't mine. I slightly turned my head to see a sleeping Ponyboy with one hand down my pants and the other groping my waist. I thought i was still dreaming, but that's what Pony was doing.


	2. The morning after

I fell asleep to the smooth touch of Ponyboy's and on my cock. It was soothing and seductive. I wanted to turn around and kiss him passionately on the lips, but knew i couldn't because he as far as i knew was asleep. When i awoke the next morning i could smell eggs and bacon on the stove. I turned over and to my surprise say Ponyboy still in bed asleep. A few minuets later Darry walked in.

"Get up you guys!... You gotta be to school in an hour." He said to us in a loud voice.

"Oh and Johnny your maw called from a pay phone and asked me to tell you to stop by your house after school" He soon added.

"Okay" I answered in a cracking nervous voice.

I herd Pony wake up soon after Dally and I's short chat. He was looking at me with that look he gets when he had just seen a great new movie. He seemed captivated. Like there was something on my dirty face that drew his attention. I almost felt awkward. I never have girls look at me like this and any other guy except Pony would pay if he looked at me like this. But it was Ponyboy. I felt as if i was still dreaming. Everything felt cloudy and fogged in a way. I wanted to believe this was happening but my mind wouldn't let me.

"Good morning Johnny Cake" He said in a compassionate way.

"Good morning Pony" I responded

"You was talking and moving in your sleep an awful lot last night" He told me.

"Hmmm...So did you have any interesting dreams last night?" I asked him.

"Uhhh...None that I remember" He answered.

"Ohhhh..." I said

I just sat there thinking and wondering. Pony got up and showered. Darry walked in and say that i was still in bed and asked if everything was okay. I told him i wasn't feeling very good, and he told me to go back to sleep cuz i looked terrible. I sat there for a while until Pony walked in and was only weiring a towel again...(That boy showers a lot) i thought to myself. He stared at me on the bed and dropped his towel to the ground and walked to me. He climbed on the bed and pulled the covers off me. I put my hands on his waist as he strateled me. I felt the water slowly drip off his hair onto my face. Suddenly I gasped and i was sitting up in the Curtis boys bed with a cup of water that i must have knocked over dripping on my face. A dream?!...Only a dream...I got up and found a note on the counter next to a fresh chocolate cake meant for Two-Bit.

**_Johnny...Don't forget to go see your mom sometime today... _**

_**I went to remind you before i left but you were asleep and didn't want**_

_**to wake you. Theres food in the fringe and some of your clothes you forgot**_

_**here in Pony's dresser. I washed then...**_

_**-Darry- **_

I walked into Pony and Sodas' room again and opened the dresser. The only things I saw in the top drawer were a stack of pictures ...Mostly of my and Pony when we were growing up...I never thought he would have kept these pictures i thought to myself. As i got to the bottom of the stack the pictures got more recent . I found one of me and Pony taken about a month ago . We are standing there next to each other, me looking down at my feet with my arms crossed and him staring off into the distance. I don't remember where it was, but it was dated the 12th of last month. I like the picture so much that i slipped it into my pocket . There were two copies so i didn't think he would care. I opened the next drawer down and found a notebook. Was this Ponyboy's journal ? I decided to find out later. I opened the last drawer and found my clothes. I put on a black shirt and my gray-black pants. I walked out the door and made my way to my house. I walked in and say my mom asleep on the couch. I woke her up and we walked.

"Johnny..." She said.

"Yeah Maw?" I answered

"Were having a baby" She came out and said

"Huh?...A baa-a-by?" I stuttered

"Yeah...And i think it would be good if you stayed with the Curtis boys a while" She said

"I have already talked to Daryl and he would be glad to have you" She continued

"Maw if you think it would be best" I said trying not to make it seem like i wanted to stay there.

I gave her a hug and was off out the door. I was only a few blocks from the high school so I decided to stop by and tell Pony the "news". When i walked into the school gates i saw Pony immediately. I began to walk over to him. He was sitting on a table with his back to me knew it was him though. As soon as i reached him a girl with long brown hair did to. She started clutching Pony's arm and he seemed to like it. I began to walk away and then he saw me. He quickly pushed her away and ran to me.

"Hey Johnny" He said

"...Hey..." I replayed

"Whats wrong Johnny Cakes?" He asked. It never mattered how sad I was when he called me Johnny Cakes i got a smile on my face.

"Nothing man" I said

"What did you have to talk to your mom about?" He asked assuming my sadness was from that encounter with her.

"Shes having a baby and wants me to stay with you guys for a while...I guess she already talked to Darry and hes okay with it" I said

"REALY!!!!" He said more enthusiastically then he had meant.

I could see the happiness on his face. But all the while couldest forget that dream i had earlier...How good it made me feel...was last night real? If it was, was it an accident?

"Ponyboy?"I asked

"Yeah Johnny Cakes?" he said

"Last night you did something that i will never forget i loved it and you probably don't remember because you were asleep and i think dreaming" I said to him boldly.

"No Johnny...I know what your talking about and i was awake and i wasn't dreaming...

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_RATED DIS SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT_


	3. The tragedy

I felt Ponyboy's lips lightly touch mine. They were as soft and smooth as i had imagined.

I knew people could see us, but i didn't care and i don't think he did ether. We just stood there. Our lips softly touching the others. I felt amazing. Knowing that what we had was real. Knowing nothing could come between us no matter what, at least for this moment in time. He started to bit my lip a little, I liked it. He started to get more intense and put his hand on my belt. He knew he couldn't do that there so he pulled away and asked if anyone was home when i left. I said no. I felt this feeling inside me that i had only experienced after i woke up from one of my dreams about Ponyboy.

"Lets go to my house Johnny." He said to me softly as he kissed my cheek.

"Okay..."I said in a passionate way as we walked out of the school gates.

We ran holding hands all the way to about a block from Pony's house. When we came around the corner and say Pony's house we were shocked at what we saw. Cop cars everywhere. Darry and Soda on the porch being what looked like questioned. We ran to the porch and they stood up when they saw us.

"Are you Johnathan Cade?" One of the cops asked me.

"Uhhh..." I said

"It's okay Johnny...Your not in any trouble" Darry reassured me.

"Yeah..."I answered the cop.

"Son...I'm very sorry to have to tell you this but...Your mom... ...Well she was killed ...by your dad" He finally got out.

"What...!!!??? no... your lying to me...No...No...no..." I said as i broke down crying.

"Oh my god Johnny...Johnny...my baby..." Pony said to me as he held me.

I felt his arms around me and i put mine around him. When we stopped hugging we noticed that Darry and Soda had been pulled to the side to be asked questions and didn't here Pony call me his baby. I couldn't stop the tears from falling out of my eyes. Each one felt like a punch or hit from by dad going away. I knew I would never see him again. He would get life for this I have seen things like this on TV. I knew Pony Darry and Soda could all relate to me, Both of there parents are passed.

"Mr. Curtis...Mr Curtis?!" One of the officers said to Darry

"Yeah?" He replied.

"Dose this...(softened his voice) Dose this kid have a place to go because i would hat to see him end up in an orphanage?!" th Officer said thinking i didn't here him.

"Yea Yea that kid always has a place here." Darry said in a mature way

"Do you know of any relatives he has?" The cop said

"No...His mom and pops are the last of his family. My parent were actually his godparents ." Darry said back to him.

"I see...Well if he is going to stay with you...Permanently...There are papers you have to sign. If you don't want to do that you can hand him over to children's services and we can find a plays as soon as we can." The cop said.

"No no no...I'm willing to sign what ever papers i have to to keep this kid out of the orphanage" Darry corrected the cop.

"Okay then we will draw up the papers and send them or deliver them as soon as we can and he can well...stay here until then, Because i can see that his best friend is here." He said looking to me and Pony, again hugging.

"Thanks" Darry said. Then all the cops drove away. I knew i should have been sad but thinking of the fact that Darry the (hardest guy in all of Tulsa[not like dat ) said he would do anything to keep me out of the orphanage, it made me feel good. Knowing that there is someone...a family that would consider me one of them. I guess I never noticed that before, Darry, Soda, Steve, Two-Bit, Dally, Pony and me were all just one big family. I don't know if all of them knew that, I know Darry did though. There was still a big empty part inside of me were my parents were, no matter how mean and abusive they were to me and each other. I wanted to stay in Ponyboy's arms forever. I wanted him to hold me until we grew old. It was impossible but it was what i wanted. I wanted the gang to know about me and Pony's relationship and not care. Still like us for who they thought we were. I knew it would never happen but dreaming it made me so happy. Darry told me and Pony to go inside. We did as he said and walked inside and to Pony's room. We sat on the bed and i started to heavily cry again as i put the picture through my head of my poor mother being killed. Pony put his arms around me and held me as i cried on his holder. I started to feel his ands move through my hair. And his other hand move slowly up and down my spine. It felt good but i couldest stop crying. I felt his mouth get closer to my neck. He nuzzled me them kissed my neck. He started to suck on my neck, then he lied me down and strateled me. Be continued kissing me neck then my lips. When he kissed my lips he only kissed me once. Lightly on my bottom lip. Making me want more. After he pulled away from that single kiss I was confused i could tell I looked confused, because of how Pony looked at me. The tears stopped falling and I grabbed his head and pulled it to mine. When I kissed his lips, my hands still softly on his head, it seemed like he melted. He almost collapsed on top of me. He got up off the bed and closed the door. He pulled his shirt off and dropped his pants. He was standing completely naked just like he was earlier that day. H walked to me and pulled off my pants and I took off my shirt. He told me to get on my hands and knees, I didn't know how he knew this...had he done this before? So I asked him.

"Hey Pony...?" i asked trying not to interrupt.

"Yeah Johnny?" He softly answered .

"How do you know how to do this?...Have you like... done it before"I asked

"No...I dreamed...Every night ...and it was always with you..."He said

I got on my hands and knees,When he almost started I stopped him.

"Well...if you liked me all that time...Why didn't you tell me?" I said

"...Because...I didn't think you liked me...like that..." He sadly said

"Aw Ponyboy...I think I love you?!" I said to him almost worried about what he would say back.

"You Do??...Johnny I love you to...I always have..." He said back to me.

I turned over and we kissed a long sensual kiss.

I turned over on to my stomach again. His fingers caressed my whole body. He grabbed a small bottle of Soda's hand lotion off of the nightstand next to the bed. He squeezed a little onto his hand and softly rubbed it on me. It was cold compared to the heat of my body so it gave me goose bumps. Pony leaned over my back with his hands on my hips and kissed my cheek lightly then before I knew it he had rammed his hardness into me. I felt so good I wanted to scream. I knew i couldn't.

He did it again, this time a little harder then before, Then again faster and faster each time. I felt one of his hands on my back holding me in place, and another on my hard cock. Slowly massaging it. It made me want to explode so badly. I few seconds later Pony loudly grunted and dug his nails into my back I orgasmed and i felt something drip down onto Pony's hand . Then I felt a heavy goo dripping down my leg. I knew he had cummed to. I tried to stand but Pony threw me onto the bed and started to almost eat my face. I felt his tung slip violently into my mouth. He pulled a blanket over his back so our naked bodies were covered still tung wrestling me. I felt his hands in my hair as he kissed my neck again. Then i herd the bedroom door swing open...


	4. The end

"What the fuck?" is all I heard when the door opened. It was Soda.

"Ponyboy...Whats going on?" He demanded to know.

"Soda!?" Pony shrieked .

"Johnny! Get over here!" Soda demanded me to do.

I struggled to put on my pants as fast as I could but Soda had me pinned to the wall before they were up and buttoned.

"SODA! Don't hurt him!" Pony yelled

"Hurt him?...Hurt him?! Pony boy...you best be begging the lord I don't kill him!

Pony quickly put on his clothes and tried to fight off Soda who was easily 5x bigger then him. I know Pony could tell how scared I was because as soon as he saw that I was shaking like a little wet puppy he came to my rescue.

"Soda I know fighting you off ain't gonna work. But I still have this." Pony said as he pulled a hand gun out of his top drawer. "Now let him go or I'll blow your head off..."

"Pony...put the gun down..." Soda said in the most scared tone I have ever herd.

"Let Johnny go first" Pony demanded.

"Get out a here Johnny" Soda said as he pushed me away. Pony put the gun on top of his dresser and watched Soda just stand there in disbelieve. A minuet later he ran to me and enveloped me in a big hug then began to cry.

"I thought he was gonna kill you." Pony cried "Johnny I love you with all my heart." He continued.

"I love you to Pony" I answered

Pony softly put his hand on my face and kissed my lips lightly then enveloped me in another huge hug. He kissed me a few more times until he noticed that Soda was still in the room. When Pony made eye contact Soda It was awkward. I could tell because Soda left the room. Shortly after, I left the room to go use the bathroom. Soda saw me leave the room so he took advantage of the opportunity to talk to his brother alone.

While Johnny is in the bathroom

"What am I gonna tell people Pony?!" Soda yelled

"Nothing!"

"Nothing?! Real cute Pony...I'm thinking more along the lines of ..my brothers a FAGGOT! Thats what you are, you know that right ...your nothing but a worthless faggot"

"A worthless faggot? Thats what you think?...I'm just a worthless faggot...wow...well if I'm just a worthless faggot then you wont care if I do this..."

Back in the bathroom

The only think I herd after the mumble of there fighting was a single gunshot.

Days later

"What...? Were am I? Why am I alive" Pony mumbled out.

"You are in the hospital Pony boy...and your alive because of Johnny." Dallas said

"Johnny...Wheres Johnny?!"

"He's gone Pony boy. He saved you...but hes gone..."

"What do you mean gone?!?"

"Read this...He left it for you...I swear I didn't open it..."

I looked at the small envelope in my hand. The seal was untouched so I knew Dallas hadn't read it.

Inside it read

_Pony boy_

_Your hurt real bad...Doctors said the only way to save you is to give you a new heart. When you shot yourself you barely missed it but hit an important vain or sumthin so it killed your heart...That day when you told me you loved me...thats all I wanted...My parents never told me they loved me...I hardly think they did...You told me you loved me with all your heart...And now I can love you will all of mine. Because I gave it to you...When you shot yourself you proved that you would die for me...So I died for you. I love you Pony Goodbye _

_With love_

_Your Johnny Cake_

A week later

"Doc. Says you can come home tomorrow?" Two-bit said

"Oh...great..."

"You loved him didn't you Pony?..."Dally asked

"Yeah...I really did"

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to bring him up..."

The next day in Pony's room

Pony boy read the last words of Johnny over and over again, Every time becoming sadder and sadder. He sat on his bed and felt something under him...He dug through the covers and found Johnny's switchblade. He read the letter one last time. And wrote one of his own he looked at himself in the mirror then slit his own throat...An almost instant death...When the guys in the living room herd the thump or Pony's body hitting the floor they all came running. Darry was the one to find the note Pony had written it was only a few words long but in bold letters it read:

**Put me next to my Johnny Cake**


End file.
